Funny kid comments

A kid story. A second grade boy telling me a long tale about playing baseball and the throw and the hit and the catch, and all the other kids are listening intently, and the punch line, the ball smashed into his chest, [pointing] "And it made a big circle on my skin!! Right over my heart!" And another 2nd grade boy replied, "well, at least now you know where to put your hand when they say the pledge in the morning."

Spaceweather.com photo from Pete Lawrence in the UK. There is a conjunction of Jupiter and Mercury tonight. Alas, I cannot see it because my new neighbor likes to keep the floodlight on AT 90,000 RETINA BURNING MEGAWATTS. I can see the ants on the driveway concrete, but I cannot see the stars. Anyway, I digress.

I was showing this photo of the planetary conjunction to a kindergartener today. I gestured to the sunset and above it, the dots that are the planets. I said "If you and your mom or dad go outside tonight and look up, you will be able to see the planets of Jupiter and Mercury!" He said, "And the words, too?"

Kids say the darndest things

Me and a 2nd grade boy at school today, looking at a reference book. It looks like he is on speaking terms with the tooth fairy.

Is that a robot?
Yes, the caption says it is the world's most intelligent robot.
Can it do anything?
The caption says it can do just about anything.
Can it give me new teeth?

Me and a second grade girl at the library today.

This is a good book, you should try reading it.
What do I get if I read it?
You get the wonderful knowledge that's inside it.
Aw, man. I already know knowledge. I want a prize.

This is why I love kids

At school today: a boy, lost in thought, tuned out of the lesson I was conducting. One finger was hooked on either side of his mouth, widening it till either side of his lips was practically near each ear.

I put the teacher's manual down and asked "What are you doing?"

"I'm stretching the cracks out of my lips."

Things kids say, continued

I subbed in a kindergarten today. Always fun. At one point I had a small group to myself in the room and we were doing math. There was a 30 second lull as I changed one set of flash cards for another and re-oriented the kids to look at a different bulletin board. As I set it up, they were talking amongst themselves. 'Who was cutest/prettiest.' I had them all give me their cute faces, you now, the one they make looking like a 5 week old puppy when they want something from you. They really were pretty cute and I settled the argument by looking at each one, and said that each one was a cutie pie. One boy then dutifully said, "You are pretty too."

"Thank you,"  I replied.

Another boy, the troublesome boy, the one never listening, never watching, and always talking, always playing ... stopped... looked me right in the eye, and said, "You are pretty because you are happy."

What he was seeing was the joy of the Lord in me. Joy cannot be hid. And it makes everyone pretty.

Things kids imagine

I was subbing today at the elementary school, and at this time we were doing art. This little girl I've known for over a year now is very verbal. I think she was born talking. When it is time to be quiet it is a problem, but when it's OK to talk, I love to listen to her. She is non-stop.

Today the kids were painting fish. She had finished the ocean part blue and was working on painting the inside of her fish pink. The boy across from her painting station said that he was painting his fish's teeth green. Little girl said,

"My fish doesn't have green teeth but her breath is bad. She keeps trying to make it smell good but it keeps on smelling bad. Finally she tried eating strawberries and that worked and her breath smells good now, like perfume. But she had to eat so many strawberries that it made her insides pink. That is why my fish has pink insides."

And that was the story she told to no one in particular as the kids painted happily on this rainy day in a classroom, in a school, in Georgia, in this wonderful world.

Kids mis-hear things so cutely!

I subbed in Pre-K today. I love those guys. The teacher mentioned the "Book Fair." One little girl squinched up her nose. "Book Fair? I thought it was the Book Fairy!"

Another cute day in PreK

Today the pre-kindergarten children, who are 4 years old, were directed to draw on a blank piece of paper as many circles as they could. Large, medium, and small. The teacher and I were going around to each child and asking them to count the circles they had drawn. I would ask, 'How many circles did you draw?" and they would answer "I drew four!" even if there was one on the paper. Or sometimes they answer, "I drew B," mixing up a letter versus a number.

One little girl has the cutest plump cheeks, and still has a bit of baby fat on her wrists and is the sweetest and tiniest of all. I got to her drawing and I leaned way down. "And how many circles did you draw?" I asked.

She looked up at me with a furrowed brow, shrugged her shoulders, and said, "All of them."

Kindergartener cutie pies

I spent the week substitute teaching in the kindergarten wing of the local elementary school.

The story lady came in and did a lesson on "Spring." The story went through showing the tools that people use to do heavy spring tasks. When the story concluded, the story lady asked who does spring cleaning type things, and after the kids responded, she said that she and her husband cleaned their house of unwanted furniture and they were planning to have a garage sale.
A boy shoots his hand up. "You're selling your garage??"

Then the talk turned to gardens. A boy says, "My daddy is thinking of putting in corn this year."
Boy next to him, "Coins?"
"No, corn."
"I'd rather have the coins."

Story lady sadly says that they would like to have a garden, but the deer eats up all the vegetables.
Boy: "Why can't you just go to the grocery store and buy some?"

Grammar lesson ensues. Story lady asks kids, "What is this at the end?" [?]
Boy: "An emotion mark!"

And people ask me how I like substituting! LOL

Wednesday night church kids

I teach bible to first and second graders on Wednesday nights. The kids are 6-8 years old. Wed. night I read them the story of the Good Samaritan from Luke 10:30-35. I read with great fervor and passion.

"Jesus replied and said, 'A man was going down toe road from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among robbers, and they stripped him and beat him, and went away leaving him half dead. And by chance a priest was going down on that road, and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. Likewise a Levite also, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side of the road. But a Samaritan, who was on a journey, came upon him; and when he saw him, he felt compassion, and came to him and bandaged up his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them; and he put him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn and took care of him. On the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper and said, 'Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I return I will repay you.' "

So at the end of the story, I looked around and asked, "Boys and girls, what do you think is the moral of the story?"

Boy: "Never go walking alone and always bring a BB gun."